Monday, August 29, 2011

My theme song at the moment....

First off, Lily Allen is a fave of mine. I think she's amazing.

Without further ado, ladies (and gentlemen?) enjoy.



Lyrics...

Do you think, everything, everyone is going mental
It seems to me, we're spiraling out of control, and it's inevitable
Now don't you think, this time is yours, this time is mine, it's temperamental
It seems to me, we're on our fours, crawling on out knees, someone help us please

Oh Jesus Christ almighty
Do I feel alright, no not slightly
I wanna get a flat, I know I can't afford it
It's just a bureaucrats who won't give me a mortgage

It's very funny 'cos I got your fucking money
And I'm never gonna get it, just because of my bad credit
Oh well I guess I musn't grumble
I suppose this is the way the cookie crumble

Oh yes, I'm fine
Everything's just wonderful
I'm having the time of my life

Don't you want, something else, something new, than what we got here
And don't you feel, it's all the same, some sick game, and it's not insencere
I wish I could, change the ways, of the world, make it a nice place
Until that day, I guess we stay, doing what we do, screwing who we screw

Why can't I sleep at night
Don't say it's gonna be alright
I wanna be able to eat spaghetti bolognaise
And not feel bad about it for days and days and days

In all the magazines they talk about weight loss
If I buy those jeans I could look like Kate Moss
I know it's not the life that I chose
But I guess it's just the way that things go

Oh yes, I'm fine
Everything's just wonderful
I'm having the time of my life

Oh yes, I'm fine
Everything's just wonderful
I'm having the time of my life

Ba ba ba ba etc.

Oh Jesus Christ almighty
Do I feel alright, no not slightly
I wanna get a flat, I know I can't afford it
It's just a bureaucrats that won't give me a mortgage

It's very funny 'cos I got your fucking money
And I'm never gonna get it just 'cos of my bad credit
Oh well I guess I musn't grumble
I suppose it's just the way the cookie crumbles

But I guess it's just the way that things go
I suppose it's just the way the cookie crumbles
But I guess it's just the way that things go
I suppose it's just the way the cookie crumbles



Nothing to worry about, my loves... just one of those things. Hugs welcome. 

Friday, August 12, 2011

Dear Edward, I'm sorry, but I've found someone new...

I know this may seem sudden, but you have to admit, we've had a good run. In the beginning I was very taken by you. Your handsome young face, deep soulful golden…no black… no golden eyes, long lean body covered in icy sparkling skin. I loved your unruly but perfect ‘sex’ hair. But, then I started to want more. At first I was happy, reading about tenuous kisses and innocent touches. But then, I found you had a few alternate personalities that were a little more sophisticated and appealed to my more, what’s the right word…passionate side. I learned to love you as a hockey player, a tattoo artist, a dominant (he was my favorite, btw). Part of the reason I’m leaving you is, your just too reserved for me Edward. I need a man who is not afraid to lose their temper and to embrace his inner beast. I need a man that is not afraid to become a snarling, murderous, unrecognizable creature and refuses to apologize for it. But now, even though I have thoroughly enjoyed our time together *coughs* redroomofpain *coughs*…I have found that man - well not really a man… I’m actually not sure what he is – that fulfills my desires and brings out a much more carnal passion than I ever thought possible. He’s older, I know you’re 109, but he has lived for millennia and his experience gives him an indefinable air. He knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to take it. And I know what I want… him to mark me, him to own me, just him and black silk sheets. I will always have a special place in my heart for you, Edward. And, I would say maybe we could still spend time together, but Jericho doesn’t like to share. Take care of yourself, norcaltwitard.

Okay h00rs, I know that many of you may be appalled right now. But, just let me explain. A about a month ago I was on twitter (I know, big shock) and @TwilightCougar1 retweeted a tweet from some guy named Jericho Barrons to some lucky bitch named MacKayla Lane…and it was HAWT! Like, singe your eyeballs hawt. And I was like, why doesn’t that ever happen to me?! And so I retweeted the quote with that exact question. @TwilightCougar1 was a very helpful crack dealer, I mean h00r, and explained that Jericho and MacKayla are characters in The Fever series by Karen Marie Moning that she absolutely loves. (I know actual books, who knew?) Anyway, it didn’t take much to convince me that I HAD to read this series. Especially, when she started throwing around phrases like ‘super hawt UST’ (or unresolved sexual tension, for those of you who don’t know) cuz I love me some good UST. @TwilightCougar1 told me that I would absolutely love Jericho Barrons annndddd boy was that the understatement of the century. Cuz, I really really really fluv Jericho Barrons. He’s dark, he’s mysterious, he’s evil, he’s good, he’s protective and possessive and he’s got a body to die for and I could just go on and on. If you’re anything like me, which you probably are if you’re reading this, you will really enjoy getting to know JZB. Here is a little teaser of the plot of the first book in the series, Darkfever…

MacKayla Lane’s life is good. She has great friends, a decent job, and a car that breaks down only every other week or so. In other words, she’s your perfectly ordinary twenty-first-century woman. Or so she thinks... until something extraordinary happens. When her sister is murdered, leaving a single clue to her death–a cryptic message on Mac’s cell phone–Mac journeys to Ireland in search of answers. The quest to find her sister’s killer draws her into a shadowy realm where nothing is as it seems, where good and evil wear the same treacherously seductive mask. She is soon faced with an even greater challenge: staying alive long enough to learn how to handle a power she had no idea she possessed–a gift that allows her to see beyond the world of man, into the dangerous realm of the Fae...

I also thought you might like to see a few of my fav lines along with a pic of what I invision Jericho to look like sooooooooo....



"I want what I want and I take it."

"There's nothing I can't live with. Only things I can't live without."

"He glides toward me, in that way that barely dispaces air. A velvet shadow in the darkness."

Jerricho: "They'll try to kill you." McKayla: "Will you?" Jerricho: "Never. I'm the one who will always watch over you. Always be there to fuck you back to your senses when you need it, the one who will never let you die."






You can find out more by visiting the authors website but trust me when I say these books are addictive, mysterious, adventure filled and hawt with a capital H! So be good little h00rs and go read them…and then come back and let me know what you thought. Cuz I’ll probably just be sitting on my couch reading all my favorite parts again, and again, and again....

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Not so dirty, not so hot...well, at least I got the nerdy part right.

*walks timidly toward the microphone and taps it softly* Is this thing on? Okay, so you are all probably wondering what I’m doing here, and to be perfectly honest, so am I. I guess I should back up. In case you haven’t already figured it out, I am not the normal voice of ‘Dirty, Hot and Nerdy’. Hi *waves*, I’m norcaltwitard and I’m an alco…wait, wrong intro. Some of you probably know me from twitter and the occasional comment on Twitarded and the rest of you are probably thinking “Who??”

Long story short… I got the flu really bad, like can’t sit up or move bad, about a year and a half ago and my mom was kind enough to buy me a book. That book was New Moon (if you don’t know what I’m talking about, just stop reading now and go away. Kthxbai.) and I was hooked. A few short months and several readings of the Twilight books later I stumbled across an MTV article about odd Twilight related merchandise that led me to Twitarded. After reading the Pattinson Panties post and nearly pissing myself from laughing harder than I had in literally years I became a devoted stalker, I mean blog follower. Over the next few months I discovered fanfiction, nurtured my ridiculous obsession with all things RPattz and I made the pilgrimage to Forks to meet the holy twifecta and the rest of the Twitarded h00rs I had come to know and love. And that is where I first met All Twied Up. We kareokeed…it was awesome. Since Forks, All Twied Up has become my bestest bestie and I have a feeling if we didn’t live two hours apart, we would be pretty much inseparable. I even told Mr. All Twied Up that All Twied Up was mine now and he can’t have her back, and yes, copious amounts of wine contributed to that statement, but it didn’t make it any less true.


I know you’re all wondering, “What does that have to do with why I am invading her blog today?” Well, it’s because over the last several months, along with her constant badgering about how much I “need” to join facebook (which I am still NOT doing, btw), All Twied Up has been pushing me to start a blog. And since she is an unyielding, pushy, dominatrix-type force, and I fluv her more than almost anyone she finally wore me down…sortof. Instead of starting my own blog, because I have no idea what I would fill it with or why anyone would read it, I told her I was going to hijack hers. This was followed by a desperate tweet to her that said I can’t hijack her blog because I am, in fact, not a hacker. Anyway, that is the short version of why I'm here today.


I really have no fucking clue why All Twied Up thinks I should write a blog, much less contribute to hers because I am not “dirty” or “hot” by any stretch of the imagination. All Twied Up refers to me as her ‘vanilla’ friend. That is a drastic overstatement… vanilla has way too much spice to be in anyway related to my sex life.

This glass of tepid water is a better representation of my sex life. Except that the water actually exists...my sex life, not so much.


The good news (shutup it is good news): I am very nerdy!





Intelligence…check. Socially Inept…check. Obsession…triple check.


I find extreme pleasure in a ridiculous number of dorky things, including but not limited to Star Trek, Star Wars, Monty Python, Achmed the Dead Terrorist and movies based on cartoons from the 80’s.





I own 2 pairs of jeans and wear $5 t-shirts because I’m too cheap for anything else and I bought a $13 spatula because it looks like Darth Vader. I really do need help.


I also have an unhealthy obsession with all things Twilight and/or RPattz related (this is not new to those of you who know me) and I know way too much about Great White sharks for a person who is not a Marine Biologist or that dead Crocodile Hunter guy.


Crikey…I love these sharks! Isn't he cute! Did you know they are actually warm blooded and give birth to live young?!?! So cool!


Sooooo, here I am in all my nerdy twilight/Rob obsessed glory writing my very first ever totally pointless blog post. Go easy on me… or don’t ‘cause I might enjoy the abuse. Hmmm, maybe I’m not so ‘vanilla’ after all ;)