Not so dirty, not so hot...well, at least I got the nerdy part right.

*walks timidly toward the microphone and taps it softly* Is this thing on? Okay, so you are all probably wondering what I’m doing here, and to be perfectly honest, so am I. I guess I should back up. In case you haven’t already figured it out, I am not the normal voice of ‘Dirty, Hot and Nerdy’. Hi *waves*, I’m norcaltwitard and I’m an alco…wait, wrong intro. Some of you probably know me from twitter and the occasional comment on Twitarded and the rest of you are probably thinking “Who??”

Long story short… I got the flu really bad, like can’t sit up or move bad, about a year and a half ago and my mom was kind enough to buy me a book. That book was New Moon (if you don’t know what I’m talking about, just stop reading now and go away. Kthxbai.) and I was hooked. A few short months and several readings of the Twilight books later I stumbled across an MTV article about odd Twilight related merchandise that led me to Twitarded. After reading the Pattinson Panties post and nearly pissing myself from laughing harder than I had in literally years I became a devoted stalker, I mean blog follower. Over the next few months I discovered fanfiction, nurtured my ridiculous obsession with all things RPattz and I made the pilgrimage to Forks to meet the holy twifecta and the rest of the Twitarded h00rs I had come to know and love. And that is where I first met All Twied Up. We kareokeed…it was awesome. Since Forks, All Twied Up has become my bestest bestie and I have a feeling if we didn’t live two hours apart, we would be pretty much inseparable. I even told Mr. All Twied Up that All Twied Up was mine now and he can’t have her back, and yes, copious amounts of wine contributed to that statement, but it didn’t make it any less true.


I know you’re all wondering, “What does that have to do with why I am invading her blog today?” Well, it’s because over the last several months, along with her constant badgering about how much I “need” to join facebook (which I am still NOT doing, btw), All Twied Up has been pushing me to start a blog. And since she is an unyielding, pushy, dominatrix-type force, and I fluv her more than almost anyone she finally wore me down…sortof. Instead of starting my own blog, because I have no idea what I would fill it with or why anyone would read it, I told her I was going to hijack hers. This was followed by a desperate tweet to her that said I can’t hijack her blog because I am, in fact, not a hacker. Anyway, that is the short version of why I'm here today.


I really have no fucking clue why All Twied Up thinks I should write a blog, much less contribute to hers because I am not “dirty” or “hot” by any stretch of the imagination. All Twied Up refers to me as her ‘vanilla’ friend. That is a drastic overstatement… vanilla has way too much spice to be in anyway related to my sex life.

This glass of tepid water is a better representation of my sex life. Except that the water actually exists...my sex life, not so much.

The good news (shutup it is good news): I am very nerdy!

Intelligence…check. Socially Inept…check. Obsession…triple check.

I find extreme pleasure in a ridiculous number of dorky things, including but not limited to Star Trek, Star Wars, Monty Python, Achmed the Dead Terrorist and movies based on cartoons from the 80’s.

I own 2 pairs of jeans and wear $5 t-shirts because I’m too cheap for anything else and I bought a $13 spatula because it looks like Darth Vader. I really do need help.

I also have an unhealthy obsession with all things Twilight and/or RPattz related (this is not new to those of you who know me) and I know way too much about Great White sharks for a person who is not a Marine Biologist or that dead Crocodile Hunter guy.

Crikey…I love these sharks! Isn't he cute! Did you know they are actually warm blooded and give birth to live young?!?! So cool!

Sooooo, here I am in all my nerdy twilight/Rob obsessed glory writing my very first ever totally pointless blog post. Go easy on me… or don’t ‘cause I might enjoy the abuse. Hmmm, maybe I’m not so ‘vanilla’ after all ;)