Sunday, May 20, 2012

The Edwards Through the Years

I don't know why, but a thought dawned on me the other day while watching porn Jane Eyre. (Yes, the one with Michael Fassbender. God, that man is so freakin  yummy I'd swallow him whole. Well, as much as he'd give me.) My love affair with a man named Edward has occurred more than once...

Loved this adaptation.
I don't know how many of you have ever read the book or have seen the movie(s), but when I was in 7th grade I had to read about thirty books waaay out of my comprehension level. Jane Eyre was one of them. I remember thinking the dialogue was a bit tricky, but in the end, I fell in love with the book...and Mister Edward Fairfax Rochester.

He is described as:
Jane’s employer and the master of Thornfield, Rochester is a wealthy, passionate man with a dark secret that provides much of the novel’s suspense. Rochester is unconventional, ready to set aside polite manners, propriety, and consideration of social class in order to interact with Jane frankly and directly. He is rash and impetuous and has spent much of his adult life roaming about Europe in an attempt to avoid the consequences of his youthful indiscretions. His problems are partly the result of his own recklessness, but he is a sympathetic figure because he has suffered for so long as a result of his past.
Hmmm bad boy that's witty, rich and hot? Yes please. My first love affair with Edward. Rochester.

Do yourself a favor and just oogle that for a minute. 
Then say, about ten years ago, I saw a little movie called "Secretary"... you may have heard of it?

Lets just say it's not a graphic as MotU/Fifty Shades,  but
it does share a similar theme--BDSM
This is where I met E. Edward Grey. He's a dominant man who is morally conflicted with his desires, is incredibly quirky and detail oriented, and appears to give an amazing spanking. His love for Lee, the female character, and the way he's so tormented because of the way he knows to show it just makes me melt. I always think of him when I see red sharpies and orchids. His low, soft, you-better-fucking-do-this-now voice makes me frothy. So there it is, my second Edward. Grey.

He knows how to treat an orchid. And when
I say orchid, I mean vagina.
Remember this picture. Hot, hot scene.

Lest we forget Edward Cullen. Do I really need to say more? I've already beaten that dead horse.

I miss that sex hair!
And just for good measure, here's a few more of my newest obsession:

Yes, I'll eat whatever he'll give me. I'd lick it off the fucking floor!
HRC supporter? Hawt. Just ignore her. On second thought,
don't. She's hawt as fuck, too.
Dude does full-frontal and I STILL haven't seen it? I must be ill.
Yeah, you get the picture.
All my love, h00rs,

On a more serious note, I miss the hell out of you all. I bet you are surprised to see that I'm even still alive. Well, I got that coveted job....and...I kinda hate it thus far. It's all-consuming. I'm working "eight" hour shifts which turn into twelve hours just because I've not finished my work. I'm exhausted all the time, both mentally and physically, and I haven't gotten over the "OMG I could kill someone" feeling. My nurse to patient ratio is 1:30-35, and... I'll stop right there. 

There are good things in life, too. The hubs and I are doing well, I have my health and I'm gaining that dreaded experience under my license. The money is really nice, too. :) I'm rarely on twitter anymore, sadface, but hopefully as soon as life kicks the breaks a bit, I'll regain my social life. 

Stay kinky, my friends. Know I love you. 

It's time for a Jane Eyre re-read.....

Friday, February 17, 2012

And now for something a little dirty and nerdy...and more than a little weird

I'd like to start this post by saying...we aren't dead or dying! Well...I'm not anyway and I'm 99.9% sure that All Twied Up isn't either, I'm positive if she was I would have felt a disturbance in the force or gotten a text, er something... I hope.

Now that that's out of the way, I can move on to what this post is actually about. I was searching for a new toy, and not the kind you get for your spawn, I mean lovely children, but the kind you get for, um... personal fulfillment. I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about. And while I completely expected to come across a wide variety of vibrators, dildos, plugs and personal massagers of different shapes and sizes, I never in a gazillion years expected to see something like this...

That's right... it's a "Pocket Rocket" and I'd like to add what-in-the-actual-fuck?!? Who came up with this...Paedo's-R-Us?

Now, I know we all call them sex toys, but seriously people, do we really want them to resemble something made by Mattel??? Now, I like space aged fantasy as much as the next nerdy kinkster but this seems to be taking it a little far. I suppose the upside to having your favorite vibe look like something a preschooler would play with is that when your kid finds it and decides to show it to your in-laws you can claim that it's actually a surprise for the kid and not an adolescent-to-a-scary-degree looking sex toy. But still!!!

Am I totally off my rocker thinking this is just down right weird or what? Chime in below, I won't judge...ok...maybe a little. ;)

Sunday, February 5, 2012

It's someone's "Dirty Thirty"...not mentioning names..

Okay, I lied. Today is miss @Jaymes805's thirtieth! (And holy shit, I'm alive!)

Yes, that amazing lady on the left, along with myself and @amandakmelby
Doesn't look a day over thirty, does she? Heheh kidding, love.

I've had the pleasure of knowing miss Jaymes for over a year and a half. Both her and her amazing bestie/sister from another mister/twin-ish have become people who I've grown to know and love as some of the most genuine people in my life. Jaymes, your sense of humor is so unique and amazing that there is never a dull moment with you. You are caring, loving and have an unhealthy obsession with JRath, and I love you for all of those reasons.

We went to Forks with Twitarded back in 2010 and never even met eachother officially. It wasn't until the Eclipse DVD release party that I had at my house that we'd met face to face after developing a true bond over twitter and the internet. Yes people, it happens. :) Weird, right? ;) Having you so close yet so far is such a curse and a blessing. If I had my way, we'd be hanging out all the time. But alas, such is not the case. I was so happy to be able to spend as much time with you as I did during Forks 2011!

There are so many things that remind me of you... Thanksgiving, Superbowl Sunday, JRath, 100 Monkeys, FOOORKS 2011 and our epic time, Almond Champagne, our Twilight-themed animal names.. but when I get serious for a minute, you are exactly what every girl should have in a friend. You are open, loving, a complete blast to hang out with, and I am so happy that I get to call you my friend.

And I can't wait to freakin see you again. It needs to be sooner rather than later, h00r.

I love you.

Much love,

Thursday, December 29, 2011

We interrupt this long stretch of silence to bring you...

a drool worthy NSFW photo of this guy...

I'd like to thank D&G and good genetics for the, um, view...

Y'all can thank me when you're finished cleaning the drool off of your preferred link to the outside world.

I'm sorry to have been so out of touch lately but RL is a real bitch and of course the holidays are always overly time consuming. I love and miss you all. I hope you had an amazing Christmas or similar festivity and your new year is filled with laughter, happiness and lots of porn. ;)

Saturday, October 22, 2011


Yes, yes, we are still alive and pervy as ever. RL is a bitch, as most of you know. Busy as a motherfucker. But I have something in mind, it is great, and you will see it soon. Until then, enjoy this awesomeness. In it's entirety.

This song reminds me of such great times with my h00rs.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

1 more day people...1.More.Day!!!!!

Ok, so I'm just sooooooooooo excited I couldn't not do a teeny tiny post about heading to Forks. Again! I have mentally checked out, packed my bags and headed for the airport. Unfortunately, my physical self must go to work tomorrow before it can catch up with my mentality. I have a feeling it's gonna be a loooonnnggggg two days. So instead of despising every minute until I leave on Wednesday morning, I plan on looking forward to hanging with my favorite tweeps, visiting Escala (which I found out today is less than 3 blocks from our hotel in Seattle SQUEEEEEE!!!!), hiking the Hoh with AllTwiedUp, tackle hugging those of you I did & didn't meet last year & drinking until my liver stages a formal protest.

See you soon Forks!!!

Let the count down continue.....

Only 2600 more minutes til my flight!!!!!

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Forks, "I fucking need you now tonight..."

"........I fucking need you more than ever!"

...Old School? Anybody? Okay, anyways, my mind is so fucking preoccupied with FOOORKS.

Ahh the crazy times.....
I can't wait for..

The libations and delicious local beer...

Our karaoke fiends!!
Maybe some quasi-attractive locals?
(quasi meaning tall, fit AND can sing...)

With very peculiar tattoos?
Hunting (with my .22) for Jacob on First Beach!

Taking a million more pics like this!

Going to one of the most beautiful places I've ever seen!

...and taking more pictures....

and even more pictures!
and even MORE! 
And hiking to waterfalls....

 But most of all....

Birds of a feather

h00rs united

partying Twitarded style

the goofy-ass things we will do

adorable friends that don't get the RPatz thing,
but I still love...

the great conversation

these ladies!!

these ladies!

And the lovely women who gave me all of the afore-mentioned. 

I heart you so and I can't wait to see you all!

Much love,