Corn Maze of Hell

So last week the hubs and I went to the pumpkin patch with another couple. We wanted to do the corn maze, but we were told that it takes 2+ hours. The sun was already setting so we decided to meet up this Thursday and give it a whirl. Now this corn maze is not just your ordinary corn maze. It was in the Guinness Book of World Records for being so crazy.

Yeah, no freakin joke. Little did we know.

So we all meet up this afternoon. Let me add that I have super poor planning skills and did not schedule around the freakin WORLD SERIES game with my all-time favorite team playing tonight (and ultimately winning). Besides, these friends of ours are moving to Europe here in one week. I figured friends over baseball, right? Needless to say, I took my phone and was watching like a hawk for updates. The stupid middle of nowhere and lack of 3G made it a very slow and tedious process. But I digress...

Before we started the maze, they gave us all a map. Now, this map was quite intimidating, but there were 5 adults that went, how hard could it be, right?

That should have been a hint! Turn around and run!!

Well, we get started, and realize that the beginning, a circular part of the maze is not marked like they said it would be. It was supposed to be set up in a grid fashion and they made it seem as if at every corner and turn there would be someway to orient yourself. Well, what they gave us to go off of were little tiny-ass pieces of wood with numbers and letters scribbled on them. Some of them were painted yellow, some of them were not. Locating these markers was a problem in itself.

Really? This is all you have for us to go off of?

Well we were in there for almost an hour before we realize that some smart-assed little f*ckers decided it would be funny to move the markers and/or remove them completely. We would send out recon parties to search for markers, begging for some semblance of a clue as to where we were.

Hmmm, know what's supposed to be in that hole? A freakin marker!!!

How am I supposed to find my way around in this?!?!

So two hours later, we realize we are only half of the way through the maze. What makes it harder, on top of the loss of day light and the lack of markers, is that it is obvious that other people were getting frustrated as well because there were all the makeshift "cheater" trails going everywhere. If you are looking at a map, expecting to find a dead end but instead find a trial, how on earth are you supposed to orient yourself? We were losing light to the point where we were pulling out our phones and turning them on our maps, not a great idea. Once again, poor planning!

Tell me that's not straight out of the movie "Signs"!

We all start to get frustrated but don't really want to show it. Some group we ran into felt guilty enough and gave us one of their flashlights, thank goodness. That is when we hatch our plan. We oriented ourselves south, and decided to say f*ck the trials, we are going straight until we are out of the corn maze hell. We slither through all of the corn until we finally reach the perimeter of the maze...2.5 hours later! We didn't even complete the maze, but it was pitch black and we were over it. We all decided to go to Mountain Mikes (best bizza EVAR!) and we proceed to get a little tip-say while watching the rest of the ball game.

While our maze adventure was a big fat fail, the beer, pizza and awesomeness that is the San Francisco Giants made up for it.

Giants for the mother f*cking win, baby!

While I don't think that I will be attempting the maze again under anywhere near the same circumstances, perhaps I'll go at it again next year at the beginning of the season, before all the little jerks mess it up, with a camel-back, the biggest mag light I can find, and 3 MREs. Oh yeah, and starting at noon, not afternoon. I do not want to be in the middle of some creppy-ass Mel Gibson movie ever again.

I was tagged!

Well, technically everybody who read the blog was tagged, but I still feel special. I was over at Starlit Violets Website, reading her newest blog post, and she gave a list of seven questions for everybody to answer. Well, with no further ado, here we are!

 1.  If you were a member of the Brady Bunch, the Scooby Doo clan, or The Flinstones, which character would you be?  Why?

Wow, it's been so long since I've seen any of these shows. I guess I get a big fat fail. I remember Velma, aka Jenny Jerkface, being the smart, nerdy one. I'm totally a nerd. I guess I'm pretty smart. 

Power to the nerds. They rule the world.

P.S. Did you know her last name is Dinkley? LoL! I sure didn't. 

2.  What is the one food in this world that exists solely to torture you?

This, I have an answer for. Red licorice! I'm not talking about crappy-ass Twizzlers, but the original Red Vines. They are a favorite movie snack, and I eat them until I feel like my stomach is going to explode. Every time. I usually end up giving the hubby the bag because I do not have to self control to stop eating them. It's sad, I'm a helpless glutton.

I would NEVER buy this. I would die of hyperglycemic shock.

3.  Explain to us, in detail, the strangest thing you've ever eaten and how you came to eat it.

I'm going to keep this rather, ahem PG-13 rated and not XXX rated, and keep it strictly to food, people. ;)

I would have to say tofu jerky. It tasted like dog food. Because I'm a psycho-anal (har har har) vegetarian,  I do not get too adventurous with food. If I don't know what is in it, I don't eat it. Plain and simple. I was forced to eat antelope way back in the day, and it's one of the reasons I'm a vegetarian. FYI: Don't force a child to eat something then show them pictures of the dead animal they just ate. Doesn't bode well. 

This was me. No, I'm not lying.

Want to know something even more weird? I grew up in the boonies where we have cattle. It seemed to have the vegetarian-izing effect as opposed to the typical effect it has on people. I got super sensitive as opposed to super sensitized. 

This is me at heart. A dirty hippie.

4.  How often do you read for pleasure (and I'm NOT hinting at fanfic here, you dirty h00rs!  But ff counts as pleasure reading, just an EXTRA dose of pleasure!)?

I read every single night. It's sort of my bed time routine. I have found that it calms my racing mind better than anything. The tradition actually happened a few years ago when I started reading Twilight. I was not much of a recreational reader until those books. Since then, I've read nearly all I can afford/get my hands on. Currently reading Beautiful Darkness, the sequel to Beautiful Creatures. I admit, before this quasi-new found Twitter addiction, I used to get a lot more reading done. Now, computer time sort of gets in the way of my reading time.. and my "everything else" time!!

Yes, I'm a total bookworm. I'm okay with it. I'm surrounded by my kin.

5.  Alice in Wonderland.  The first or second incarnation from Disney?

Wow. Another fail. Never saw the second one. I wanted to, but I never go around to it. Plus, I prefer my Johnny Depp to look like this:

I'd even share him with Latchkey Wife.

6.  Describe the place in your house where you usually sit to induldge in all the bloggy/Twitter fun.

I have a particular little nook in the couch. We have an extremely comfortable sectional, and I sit right in the corner so my back is supported and my feet are up on the couch as well.

I'm sort of like Dr. Sheldon Cooper, if you sit in my spot, it's war.

7.  What is your favorite fairy tale or childhood storybook?

I've always loved Sleeping Beauty. I used to prance around the house singing all of the songs, pretending I was Briar Rose. I thought it was so romantic! Then, I read Anne Rice's version and lawdy, I can not watch it the same!! If you haven't read Anne Rice writing under the pseudonym of A. N. Roguelaure, I highly suggest it. 

Warning: Heavy BDSM themes and hot-ass sex scenes included. 

Do yourself a favor and read it. Seriously. Do it.

Thanks for the tag, Ms. Starlit Violets! I am going to follow her trend and tag every reader! Blog your answers to the questions and link it in my comment box, answer in the comment box, or just comment. ;) I would love to hear your answers/thoughts.

Because it's Sunday, and I feel like it.

So it's raining out, I'm in slippers, flannels and a freakin robe, the 49ers lost, I decided that I need some eye candy. Can't think of a better way to spend my time! There has been a lot of talk recently about everybody's "freebie five" list... TwiredJen discussed her freebie list over at So Twired as did Ms. Latchkey Wife over at Twitarded.

Believe it or not, I have a wordpad document titled "my ever changing five" just so I can keep an official list. Of course I have seven people on my list currently, but hey, what can I say. Sometimes I have a hard time making such important decisions.

So because it's Sunday and we all seem to be suffering from "Post Forks Depression," feel free to oogle my freebie five seven.

Big surprise who is first...

I have an awesome pin with this pic, thanks Twi_Lin!

Cause I miss smiley Rob...

This one reminds me of Fifty Shades every time I see it... It's the glare.

*le sigh*

Edward at his finest, Twilight Edward.

This man is the Captain of the Italian Soccer team. Holy smokes I <3 him.

Hot smile? Check.

Super awesome at soccer? Check.

Remember when I said I had a thing for eyebrows?

Holy ass, Batman!

All I can do is drool at this one. Dead.

And Hugh Jackman, what can I say. You are absolutely all that is manly man.

I LOVE the hairy chest!

MMMmmmm I know something we can do with all that anger!!

All. That. Is. Man. The tight jeans kill me!

*Panting*

The first time I saw this next man, he looked like this:

Talk about one HOT Phantom! It was the first time I had heard any of the songs from Phantom of the Opera and when I heard "Music of the Night" come out of his mouth, I was taken.

"Let your mind start to journey through a strange new world
Leave all thoughts of the life you knew before
Let your soul take you where you long to be
Only then can you belong to me"

Okay, that is HOT. SUPER HOT.

Yes, please!!

This next person, Gina Carano, I have no words to describe her beauty. You must see for yourself.

Believe it or not, this beauty is an MMA fighter. Yes, she is this hot, and can kick your ass.

This woman, right here, is my female Fifty Shades. In a hot minute!

All I can do is gawk.

Serious ass kicking!

Then we have Miss Portman. Absoutey gorgeous, such a natural beauty. So sweet and innocent...

Yeah, innocent. Suuuure. I'm NOT buying it.

Once again, I'm in love with her eyebrows.

Have you seen the movie "Closer"? This scene with Clive Owen is one of the hottest things ever.

B-E-A-utiful. Just flawless.

Last, but by no means least, Miss Amy Lee.

Lead singer of Evanescence

I don't believe she is vanilla, not in 100 years!

Whew, I feel better after that. It's always fun to get your imagination working. My five seven in all it's glory!

Have you shared your list? Do tell!

YOU all said it.

So, I was browsing one of my favorite Twi Sites, TwiCrackAddict, and came across this post about Elle's Women in Hollywood gala/shinding. I saw this picture of Miss Anna Kendrick:

The first thing I thought was, "wow, cute shoes!" Then all of the sudden I was back in Forks with all of my Twitarded ladies... Why does she remind me of Forks? Well, I swear, I must have heard 7-8 times, "has anybody ever told you you look like Anna Kendrick?!?"

About a month after Eclipse came out a cashier at Borders asked me that question. I said, "hmmm, nope, never heard that one before!" But in Forks, it came time after time to the point where I was saying, "wow, people keep saying that!!"

Back when I weighted 10 lbs less, I used to get Kate Beckinsale all of the time. Talk about a compliment, that woman is gorgeous! I, of course, never saw it, but I kept getting the question.

In fact, I got this so much that I used her as my profile picture for Facebook's Doppelganger week.

Once before, a few years after "Bad Santa" came out, I got the whole "has anybody ever told you that you look like Lauren Graham?" I had no idea who she was by name, and they said, "the chick from 'Bad Santa.'" All I could think of was that scene where Lauren Graham's character was in the hot tub having sex with Billy Bob's Santa character saying, "fucking Santa, fucking Santa, fucking Santa!" Really? What about that woman reminds you of innocent little me?!?

So hmmmmm....

My conclusion? The only thing I see in common with these three women is brown hair. But you know, all us white people do look the same. ;)

My theory? Something that is a very, very well known fact. You Twitards have too much Twilight on the brain. :) I see no resemblance here. Maybe if we got out and watched something other than Twilight-related movies, browsed something other than Twilight-related content on the internet, and talked about things other RPattz's ass (also Twilight related) nobody would have noticed a thing.

But then, what would we do with ourselves?

A little (or not so little!) thing called eyebrows.

Eyebrows are one of the first things I notice about a person's face. I have my father's straight eyebrows and it's taken me 10 years of plucking to sort of figure them out. I envy people with flawless, symmetrical, shapely eyebrows... it's kind of a quirk.

Kinda reminds me of Spock....and Zachary Quinto as Spock. *drools*

Now, men, on the other hand, have been going out of control with the eyebrow plucking these days. I like my man very manly looking; chiseled features, strong nose, eyebrows that are not thinner and more shapely than mine. Same reason I don't like dudes with long hair, you are not supposed to be prettier than me!  I'm the girl in this relationship.

I make one long hair exception for Sons of Anarchy's Jax. Hot. Damn.

So, while going through my usual internet stalking, I was on Eclipse's IMDB site, because I NEED IT TO COME OUT NOW. The trivia sections are always my favorite to read because of the cool tid bits of info they give. Low and behold, look what I found under Eclipse trivia:

Whaaaat? Really? I was wondering why he had much, much bushier eyebrows in Eclipse as opposed to Twilight and New Moon, but "refused"? Was this a known fact that I missed?

Observe exhibit A, shapely, not too bushy, but not effeminate.

Observe exhibit B. Much more bushy.

WTF did he think they were going to do to him? Does he think the Twilight universe wants their Edward to look like this doucher?

I have no words for this atrocity.

I have nothing against a little cleaning up here and there on a man's eyebrows, but Jeezy Creezy, WTF is that? He looks like an orange martian. I didn't know people like this existed until I started watching "Jersey Shore"...they DO exist!.....yes I watch it.

Rob, I think you can have a little more trust. Yes, waxing stings and makes your eyes water a bit. I promise nobody will think you are crying. Or maybe they will, and they'll post all over the internet that you're a little pansy. But I'd never believe them, Rob, never.